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[personal profile] femkes_follies
I'm coming to the conclusions that most of my dissatisfactions come from two things:

1. I have a stricter moral code than average. And this annoying habit of insisting that other people live up to it, too. Nor do I buy into situations where someone vies for a position of leadership and then refuses to try to lead because "it's too hard." Sorry, no. You wanted the big chair. You get to do something with it. Or I reserve the right to consider you a useless git.

2. I am a Scanner in a world designed for Deep Divers.


For me, it goes way beyond multiple interests. I can certainly function in an environment where I need to focus. But even when I was in Vet School - I couldn't stand to devote all my time to school-related things. While my classmates were signing up for Foal Team and Colic Team and volunteering in the clinics - I had a NEED to be outside that little world and doing something else for at least part of the time.

I find an interest, pursue it to proficiency, and then move on. Knit or sew the same pattern more than once? Arrrggghhhhh!!!! Where is the challenge in that? But I need to be pursuing something, always. Or I get bored, the hamster gets on the wheel and my brain just runs in circles.

I'm not sure that it's true that I'm unhappy professionally. It's that I'm like Dad watching TV. He doesn't want to see what's on. He wants to see what ELSE is on. Unfortunately, channel-flipping isn't a great career move.

Possibly, if I'm to be honest with myself, this is also part of why I was so in favor of creating a Principality. I enjoyed the process of researching the history of the region, the creation of Principalities in general, the local politics, etc. And would have been much more engaged in the SCA in general with something new to "make."

I can't wrap my head around the people who contentedly plod day after day, year after year, through the same events and activities. I don't understand why people want every event to be like every other event (and clearly they do - clever event names implying some sort of underlying theme notwithstanding). I reject the insistence that change is both impossible and undesirable. And I really reject the frozen-corpse UAW culture of the Middle Kingdom. Which is really too bad, because the SCA held a wide enough range of things for Scanner Brain to be busy for many years to come.

So, possibly, what I need is a couple of things:

1. A new social circle. Y'all are great, but mostly too far away. And the local SCA people.... yeah. No. Ditto for the Autism Moms.

2. A way to keep my little Scanner Brain occupied. What I possibly need is a list of things to pursue, in sequence or simultaneously. Fabric design, wordpress theme building, gluten-free baking, etc.

3. Other scanners to connect with. This is a toughie. A lot of people think they're true scanners and really aren't. Short attention span or ADD =/= Scanner. I can think of two other true Scanners - Dad, and [identity profile] alysten.livejournal.com.

Thoughts, advice, or suggestions?
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