To Push or not to Push...

[femkes_follies]

This is a current theme for me.

First, there is Anneliese (and to a somewhat lesser extent, Rori). I think I've mentioned (anyone else so overloaded with social media they forget what they have - and haven't - said to whom?) that I'm making another attempt to get Anneliese into Irish Dance classes again. She got resistant for a variety of reasons last year. One was that the "assistant" we hired for her let HER be in charge. Never good. Another was that the teacher changed. From one that was pretty sweet, to another who - while likely an excellent instructor and all around good person.... Well. John has dubbed her "Frau Blucher". She turns the music up quite a bit louder. AND there was construction going on in the studio, which was also loud.

In hindsight, I think it knotted up in her mind as Fear. To much commotion and someone she didn't trust to protect her.

So - do I push her, and make her practice a few steps every night in the kitchen? Try to get her back into a class in a new environment with a different teacher? Add earplugs? Put up with the protests and tantrums, at least in the short term?

Or let her have her way? Which (if she got it) would involve parking her butt in front of either the TV or the PC 24/7 or close to it. Temple Grandin has mentioned that one-on-one attention and NOT allowing them to pull back from the world is important.

It should be noted that I also get the fit-pitching and carrying-on whenever I try to get her to practice her penmanship, or read to me, or anything that isn't her idea or VERY fascinating.

My vacillating on the SCA in general and the Principality issue in particular pales in comparison.

Comments

[florentinescot]

what about good, olde-fashioned bribery?

try dancing for X weeks. Try this?

Generally, (and understand that my knowledge and experience here comes with a normal *boy* toddler -- and limited exposure to ASD [I think I got the acronym correct] children) with The Older Child, bribes with delayed gratification are often used. With Tom, delayed gratification never worked. Chore now, reward now. If the reward wasn't coming until Saturday, the chore wasn't done until Saturday. Might something like that work? (or work better than pushing .....)

[femkes_follies]

Yeah, they use Chex to bribe her at school. :-) Her teacher doesn't mind if she sort of doesn't eat breakfast some mornings - because that makes her easier to bribe.

Not sure what I can send that will WORK and be allowed in a dance studio. Food is probably out, though that's usually a good choice. Ditto for stickers.

Possibly temporary tattoos. Or silly bands (though the bribery value of those has worn off some of late). Pokemon cards? Though I don't want her to sit and stare at them instead of getting back to work. Don't know yet, but working on it.

[florentinescot]

what about a treat for *right* after class -- instead of *during* class ...

[femkes_follies]

:-) Probably "too" deferred. I'm thinking the little nail stickers. I've gotten her to do some reading and what not for me for nail stickers. She IS a girly-girl.

If deferred rewards WORKED the very concept of earning the sparkly dress and tiara would probably be all that's needed. *sigh*

[florentinescot]

nods -- and you know the optimum time frame. It would be nice if an hour would work!

[luscious_purple]

Just wondering ... is there another type of dance class that might seem less threatening? It would probably involve another teacher too, but maybe the music might be more to her liking, or the types of steps. Or maybe even kid yoga or tai chi -- something that involves flowing motions?

I agree that not letting her park herself in front of a screen 24/7 is important. Heck, it's important even for kids who don't have a particular diagnosis.

[femkes_follies]

Well, we've done the whole ballet/tap thing. And now the taps themselves are a problem. But the whole thing was a bit of a disaster. Parents were not allowed in the studio (no exceptions) - so I'm not SURE... but I think they just let her run around like a mad thing. They pushed me to put her in the recital. More money for them, I guess. Again, no parents backstage. They assured me that her teachers would be right with her the whole time, as well as some of their volunteers. When I went back at intermission, she was sobbing in the corner with nobody even aware of where she was or what she was doing. Yeah.... not.

The other ballet studio in town was, at first, willing to work with an ASD youngster, but wanted to put her in her age level class. Wait, sez I, she can't count to 16! So they wanted to meet and assess her. And ended up saying "no" to the whole thing.

Now, Liesl has loved IRISH dance from day 1. She got into it before I knew about it. I've seen "The Best of Riverdance" 3,978 times. We took her to a feis (Irish Dance competition) when she was 3, but got there a little late and things were winding down. So we left, but she grabbed the doorjamb as I carried her out - sobbing.

Also, the ID school has been much more amenable. They were willing to take her. And let her have an aide - the first one was great. Oh, Lindsey, where art thou!! And didn't even charge me separate tuition for the aide.

I just think a bunch of little things have come together to cause her to have anxiety related to it. And I want to see if it can be overcome. Because I do think it will do her a lot of good. Both building confidence once she CAN do more of the steps, and possibly fulfilling her need to "stim" - which she currently gets by spinning in John's chair or rocking back and forth.

[luscious_purple]

OK, thanks for replying. Obviously, being new to your f-list, I don't know the whole "back story" of things like dance classes yet. But I will catch up, I'm sure.

I find Irish dancing intriguing too, although I never saw it until I was already an overweight adult. *sigh*

[femkes_follies]

Nah, you made a perfectly reasonable suggestion. :-) Liesl's love affair with ID goes back at least 6 years, and I'd never make you delve that far into my journal. I just thought I'd bring you up to speed in one fell swoop!