Having a Moment

[femkes_follies]

Ah, the joys of parental self-doubt. Amplified by special needs.

Today's menu:

Am I pushing her into dance class against her will, just because I want her to do it? Does she object from time to time because she doesn't like it? Or just because she'd object to anything that was somebody trying to get her to do something specific?

Would it make enough of a difference to her to try a gluten-free diet... even though she subsists off bread, toast, breaded chicken, and other wheat products? I could try some of King Arthur's GF products... though they're outrageously expensive. And it would be awfully hard to control outside the house. :-/ I don't notice any correlation at all between what she eats and how she acts. I'm pretty convinced it's not an issue for her. But sometimes it seems like it's such a part of dealing with Autism that not doing it makes you a bad Mommy.

If I could/did spend the time with her to go through all the workbooks Mom buys and all the various worksheets that are available.. would it help? Could she BE more if I tried harder.

Repeat for Rori.

>:-(

Having a Bad Momma week.

Comments

[sugarcoatedlie.livejournal.com]

I can't speak to any of the special needs issues, because I really have no experience there, but I can tell you that Lorna had the same issues with taking classes and then not always wanting to go. Especially karate. She wanted to go SO bad, but then probably 2 out of 3 classes, she'd whine and act all contrary about going and blame me for making her go. I think it's just the nature of kids to not always want to do stuff when they're supposed to... maybe it's just stubbornness?

For what it's worth, I made her keep going, and she was happy when she got her green belt. And then she felt like she was getting a little old for the class, and we talked rationally about it and agreed that it was time to quit. I think you just have to weigh how much she enjoys it during a good phase vs. how much she hates it during a bad phase. It's likely still worth it.

Also, I know that for ADD (which my boyfriend has) they recommend an experiment where you leave out certain foods for two weeks to get a baseline and then add them one at a time to see what you're reacting to. Maybe instead of switching forever, you could try gluten-free for two weeks and then add some back in and see if it makes a difference? Two weeks doesn't seem SO bad. I mean, it's only 2 weeks, right? Cause then you either know for sure that a GF diet won't work, or you're surprised to find out that it will. Either way, it'll get rid of the doubts.

And finally, every single mom I know has the same kinds of doubts about one thing or another. It always sounds to me like you're doing your best. You haven't given up on her because she might be more difficult. You take her on vacations, and make her pretty clothes, and try to find educational opportunities for her... it counts for something.

[femkederoas.livejournal.com]

Thanks. ;-) Just feeling my personality flaws tonight.

Or maybe just having one of those "lows" where it feels like her issues are my fault and I could "fix" her if only I cared/worked at it enough.

Silly, wot?

[hsifeng.livejournal.com]

There are only so many things you have control over here honey - don't beat yourself up for making the best choices for you and your family. Would other people make other choices, maybe? Would they be better? Who knows. You love your kids and make decisions that you feel will be for the best *for them* based on what you know.

Don't beat yourself up...

*HUGS*

[femkederoas.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *g*

I suspect that self-flagellation is the mark of the experienced mother. Extra lashes added to the whip per child in the family. ;-)

[hsifeng.livejournal.com]

As an experienced self-flagellator (lordy, I just *love* being a co-dependent! *chuckle*), I know it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be…

….

Crap. Unintended morning pun.

Where is my coffee?

*wanders off to get more caffeine*

[soldiergrrrl.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I wish I had more words to help, but I don't.

[mmcnealy.livejournal.com]

The thing about the GF diet is that it can take 4-8 weeks to know if it will have any effect at all (it might take less however, it all depends). There are much cheaper ways to do GF than to buy the pre-mixed flours, I mix my own and have for years.

Check your hotmail email, I've got an offer for you.

[femkederoas.livejournal.com]

Let me mull it over. ;-) It's a wonderful offer.

I'm thinking, if I'm going to try it, I'll wait till she's adjusted back to school. It will be hard to gauge changes, otherwise.

School isn't a big issue... as they're used to it and have most of the other kids on similar regimens.

Which, I suppose, is why I feel bad about not having TRIED it. I don't really think it's an issue for her. But peer pressure is getting to me.

[mmcnealy.livejournal.com]

Talk it over with John, it needs to be something you are both on the same page about and you do as a family, otherwise it won't work.

Think of it as a science experiment, you have a hypothesis that the diet won't have any effect, so test it and see if your hypothesis is true.

[alysten.livejournal.com]

Could she BE more if I tried harder. No. Try not to be too hard on yourself. There are many life lessons I learned from my autistic cousin (whom I shared a room with growing up) and nephew. Things I would not have gotten to see/do/experience with "normal" kids. Trying at times? Yes. Migraine inducing? Absolutely. Frustrating? To the point of tears. But then, there were the times that I would not trade the world for. I find that I can draw on those to help counter the "pull out the hair" times (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't).

GF has worked with some autistic kids, who have a problem with gluten attaching to opiate receptors. It helps them focus a little better. It doesn't work for all kids though. And can be a bit disruptive to a "standard" routine. I can also help with GF recipes that kids will eat, if you are interested.

You are giving your kids a great, well rounded view to life. Even if today, you having a "Having a Bad Momma week". The fact that you worry about things like this, shows how much you care.

[mistressarafina.livejournal.com]

I don't have any words of wisdom, but wanted you to know that being a loving mom is more than a lot of kids will ever have and you're doing the best job you can. :D